Monday, July 18, 2016

July Daybook

Outside My Window - Hot, humid, sticky, and everything you could imagine for Texas in July.  It doesn't keep us from enjoying a bonfire as the sunsets.  Enjoying time with cousins, s'mores, and a great game of Spades though.

I am thinking - About a lot.  Samwise is feeling better, such an easy even if expensive fix.  Meds, better dog food and the puppy is almost good as he can be.  We can see him gaining weight, enjoying some of his favorite games, and not constantly itching.  I love how easy this fix was.  
Benjamin, not an easy fix.  I'm torn between oversharing, using Autism as a crutch, and just plain old feelings of a mom, a parent, a friend, of everything.  Meltdowns are getting worse, and more frequent.  I think we are dealing with a blood sugar issue too, but don't know for sure.  We absolutely do not have this all figured out, not at all.  Feeling very overwhelmed and thinking a lot about how to insulate him but not baby him.  Protect him, but challenge him.  I am enjoying the moments I can slip outside, not die from the heat, and just be quiet with my own thoughts and prayers.  I know we will get there, I know it...but, *exhale* how, when, what, and all of the Mom guilt too.  Such a wad of emotion, I don't even know what to do with it.   I sincerely wish Ben's fix was as easy as Sam's, but then Dogs are uncomplicated...people, not so much.  Mostly, just coming to grips with the reality that he isn't going to outgrow this and there isn't an easy fix - it is a process, ongoing, always and forever.

I am wearing - We got our bracelets in.  We love them and wear them every day.  (and this is where I question myself...crutch, over doing it, I don't know, I just don't know)

I am creating - A home.  The recent gifts from my Mom have provided me lots of inspiration to 'feather my nest' and oh boy am I enjoying this.  I used to love to decorate my home.  Somewhere between newborns, and teens, and life... my home became a functional frat house full of love and lots of what is practical.  I tucked things away for 'some day decorating' and many many treasures got broken or lost between moves and life with a full house.  It is such a joy to bring things out, add in my Mom's and reclaim this art of making a home.  It is so satisfying to me in every way.  Perhaps having to let go of  of it for so long, just to not lose my mind, makes me love it all the more, I don't know, but it has been a source of great contentment and joy.  The kids love it too, making it all the more wonderful.

I am going - To start riding my bike again.  I love it, and the kids love bike riding.  The oppressive heat has made it difficult but we plan to begin again soon in the evenings.  Faith has a purple bike that is also darling.  I am eager to get back at it.

I am wondering - How people still use this word.  I heard it just the other day and I felt slapped by it.  Remove this word from your vocabulary - remove it.  It doesn't belong under any circumstances.  

I am hoping - To get a new family photo with everyone in 2016.  I'm praying, and wishing, and begging all my kids to be here for Christmas.   If Military and jobs can allow it.  It would be the best Christmas present!

I am learning -  I have a lot to learn, and all of the above.

I am pondering - How exactly to make these for Christmas gifts.  I love them!!

From my kitchen -  Pete and I have been wanting to do a routine Friday Fish Fry with an open invitation to friends and family for years.  We plan to serve this next Friday for those we love to come by and enjoy.  Life kept telling us for a while 'not yet' 'not right' but we both have felt a nudge to 'make it so'.  This Friday we are serving up some Catfish, red beans and rice along with hush puppies.  All we love who live here (and you know who you are..hint, hint W & H) are welcome to drop in, add to the menu, and enjoy...(LeAunt I'm talking to you, and bring the baby because it has been too long since I held her).  

A favorite quote -  I had an emotional week.  I caught another mother saying something cruel about my child at the pool (in front of me).  She didn't know he was mine, and when she realized, she was so embarrassed she left.  Words are powerful, they can heal and they can harm.  Choose your words wisely.

A peek into my day - This morning Pete asked me what my agenda was for today.  I replied that it was an easy breezy day.  I planned to make some Dr. appt's but otherwise the kids and I would be at the pool all afternoon....then karma laughed and laughed.
*I got a phone call from a child in Dallas soon afterward who needed to be picked up - Migraine while on the job.  
*Called to get Dr. appt. for several, and eye appointment for several - headache triggered my realization that I need to take care of that.
*Take oldest son to get new copy of birth certificate and social security card because in an effort to reduce all he brought home from Florida, he threw all that out and needs it - like now, for another opportunity (more on that later).  
*While helping with this, get a call from Braums that a child who had the day off needed to come in due to 3 people not showing up for their shift.  Um, I kinda needed him right that second.....
*Get home, make lunch and feed kids.
*Take oldest son to work.
*Take sick son to pick up his car 30 mins away and drive home with him close (because #sickwithmigraineheadache
*Take sick son to Dr.
*While at Dr., get call from one son at work that he needs to be picked up.  
*Leave Dr., pick up one, drop off at home - go back to Dr. where luckily adult child can see Doc without me.
*Return home, start dinner.
*Field about 4 phone calls from Doc offices, and children.
*Add to this about 6 loads of laundry.

One of my favorite things - The wind chimes.  I love them and look forward to steeling a moment outside to enjoy them tonight, after prayers, after bedtimes, and while it is quiet.

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