Perhaps I'm getting to a point in life where I just need more time to process everything. Perhaps, there is too much to process right now. I'm unsure which it is. I used to have a terrible habit of becoming overwhelmed with far too many activities and dropping everything, entering into what I refereed to as a 'turtle shell mode'. I realized when I got a bit older, just how terrible that was to the people who are depending on you to do your part of the activity. I'm not proud of that way of handling over commitment and work towards not becoming over committed so that I won't - but it kinda sneaks up on me and then even though I don't act on it, the desire to enter into 'turtle shell mode' is still there. The holiday season is absolutely a time I want to be home, decorate, bake and love my family. I have to fight myself to go out and about doing the things that I always love once we arrive.
The end of November has been a whirlwind. I had a fantastic trip to DC, my husband's job has been extra demanding, and we took on helping out at Youth Group (which we are happy to do). So when we sat down with #9's Dr.'s and the diagnose was given, the air sort of sucked out of the room for a bit. The Dr. asked me if I was okay, truly concerned. I was hit with a 'aha, of course, relief, and grief' all at once. I never looked at Autism, although in the back of my heart I had begun to wonder over the last year but was afraid to mention it for reasons I cannot explain. The Dr. shared with us the hows and why's of this diagnosis and the 'what' this means. It means a lot of good for us and Ben. I'm still processing it all though. The trip to DC was full to the brim and I came home from it straight into the diagnosis for Ben, straight into preparation for Thanksgiving, and my heart feels a little bit fragile at the moment. Turtle Shell Mode. My friends and family have been wonderful and very supportive. I think they were already there and I was the one who couldn't see the forest for all the trees.
Advent is a time for preparation, and in our home we have a lot to learn about preparing a good environment to reduce melt downs and to bring our frat house bawdiness down to a more soothing level (although we will still be ourselves). I can see God's timing, Advent is such a peaceful, happy time as we prepare for Jesus. If you notice a change of tone around my blog during this Advent Season it is only because we are re calibrating in order to prepare as well. Turtle Shell Mode has been made a positive for once, and I intend to embrace it, slow down, quiet myself, and enjoy the fruit of the peace.
We also got a puppy - which is such an undertaking but I think this is going to be a good one. We named him Samwise because even though he is a family member, we hope he is a companion to one member in particular.